The soft blowing of the midsummer wind sends the satin curtains into rhythmic waves. The rustling of leaves outside the window brings to memory a past of bliss and simple joys. The flame of the candle that has just been lit dances to the music of the chimes of hollow tin pipes. The smell of wet grass, reminiscent of long walks after a rain. Dusk is falling. The framed portrait remains unmoved on the mahogany bedside table. The image, wearing the same smile at the doorway many years ago… it seems. Sounds, colors, scents…. still, nothing can fill this void, this emptiness….
Every afternoon, for a long time, I would sit on the shore, facing the horizon, with my eyes closed, just listening to the waves, imagining you’d be appearing from nowhere and embracing me from behind. I would still feel the warmth of your arms echoing on my skin..the beating of your heart thumping so close to me telling me we’d never be apart…I wouldn’t want to open my eyes again just to see the vast seas that separates us and the heavens that took you away from me…
I’ve dreamt about this before. I woke up crying quietly in the middle of the night. You were right beside me, sleeping like the angel that you’ve always been to me. I put my arms around you and held you tightly, partly wishing you’d wake up just to be sure you were still alive. You stirred from slumber and asked me what was wrong. I said I just dreamt that I lost you. You said it was just a dream, and that you would never be gone. Your words were comforting. I believed you. I should have held on tighter…I shouldn’t have let go…
Now, I float on this raft of nostalgia, never knowing when this would come to an end or when I would reach the edge. I pray for deliverance. I wish for death to arrive. I hope for time to walk backwards. But this is my fate. This is the price I have to pay for adoring you like a deity..for allowing myself to be consumed by my love for you…I can never take you back…I will never be able to see you again…
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