Sino ka nga ba sa One More Chance?

Di ako madalas magsulat. Kung nagsusulat man ako, yun ay dahil may ikukuwento ako, oh may hinanakit, o sobrang saya, o inspired, o bored.

Kakapanood ko lang ulit ng One More Chance for the 34th time. Di exaggeration yan, talagang binibilang ko lang talaga kung ilang beses ko ng napapanood ang pelikulang yan. At di pa rin ako nagsasawa. Bakit? Kasi... kwento ko yan eh.

Sino nga ba ako sa mga karakter sa One More Chance? Kung magse-survey ako sa mga kaibigan ko kung sino ang paborito nilang karakter sa One More Chance, malamang karamihan sa kanila ay sasagot ng Popoy at Basha. O kung ano ang paborito nilang linya, malamang "P*tang Ina naman Bash! Ganun ka ba katigas?" o di kaya'y "Ako na lang! Ako na lang ulit!". 

Sino nga bang nakakapansin kay Trisha? (Kung di niyo kilala si Trisha, sya yung karakter ni Maja Salvador). Sino nga bang makakaalala ng mga linya nya sa poignant moment nila ni Popoy? Ako si Trisha. Hindi ako ang bida sa kwento. Sa poster pa lang, wala na ako. Ako yung... yung conflict sa kwento... ako yung rebound. 

Sa ending ng pelikula, makikita mong bumalik si Popoy from Qatar at nagkita sila ulit ni Basha at nagyaya si Popoy na magkape sila at sana maulit yun araw-araw. Kahit di naman sinabing nagkabalikan sila, alam nating masaya sila. At least happy ending sila. Pero ang tanong, ano nga ba ang nangyari kay Trisha? Matapos nyang mag-walk out kay Popoy, saan na nga ba sya napunta?  Nagkaroon ba sya ng bagong boyfriend? Naging sikat na recording artist ba sya? Namatay ba sya? Ano? Sino nga bang interesado? Basta't nagkabalikan ang dalawang bida, sino nga bang may paki kung anong nangyari kay Trisha?

Ganun na ganun ang nararamdaman ko ngayon. :( Ano na lang kaya ang mangyayari sa akin? Mawawalan na lang ba ako ng saysay sa kwento? Kung tutuusin, ako ang lugi dito eh. Ako ang umasa, nagmahal, ginago at iniwan. Pero wala akong happy ending. Bigla na lang akong mawawala sa kwento. 

Hindi ako ang bida.

Tang ina! Ang sakit!!!

Serenity in Solitude

The soft blowing of the midsummer wind sends the satin curtains into rhythmic waves. The rustling of leaves outside the window brings to memory a past of bliss and simple joys. The flame of the candle that has just been lit dances to the music of the chimes of hollow tin pipes. The smell of wet grass, reminiscent of long walks after a rain. Dusk is falling. The framed portrait remains unmoved on the mahogany bedside table. The image, wearing the same smile at the doorway many years ago… it seems. Sounds, colors, scents…. still, nothing can fill this void, this emptiness….

 Every afternoon, for a long time, I would sit on the shore, facing the horizon, with my eyes closed, just listening to the waves, imagining you’d be appearing from nowhere and embracing me from behind. I would still feel the warmth of your arms echoing on my skin..the beating of your heart thumping so close to me telling me we’d never be apart…I wouldn’t want to open my eyes again just to see the vast seas that separates us and the heavens that took you away from me…

I’ve dreamt about this before. I woke up crying quietly in the middle of the night. You were right beside me, sleeping like the angel that you’ve always been to me. I put my arms around you and held you tightly, partly wishing you’d wake up just to be sure you were still alive. You stirred from slumber and asked me what was wrong. I said I just dreamt that I lost you. You said it was just a dream, and that you would never be gone. Your words were comforting. I believed you. I should have held on tighter…I shouldn’t have let go…

Now, I float on this raft of nostalgia, never knowing when this would come to an end or when I would reach the edge. I pray for deliverance. I wish for death to arrive. I hope for time to walk backwards. But this is my fate. This is the price I have to pay for adoring you like a deity..for allowing myself to be consumed by my love for you…I can never take you back…I will never be able to see you again…

Murder at Quarter Past Two

I walked into your room, careful not to make any sound. I could smell the musky scent of your body wash mixed with the light perfume of the fabric freshener. Your bathroom door was slightly ajar.

It was past two in the morning. The glow of the lamplights outside your window was creeping inside the room through the vertical slit between the heavy maroon curtains. The suitcase was already open and sitting on the study chair, but the contents were still inside, as if expecting another trip back. Pictures were strewn all over your study table; a glass, almost empty of vodka, stood sentinel to the tracks of moments you were reliving. Your clothes overflow from the hamper; your waste-basket, half-filled with crumpled unfinished letters. Under the unlit bedside lamp, was a necklace I easily recognized, and the missing empty bottle of liquor.

I saw you in bed. Asleep, unshaven, with dark circles around your eyes. Save for the red and white checkered boxers, you were naked. You had a pale and somewhat dry skin. The scars on your chest were still there....and the fresh wounds. You were in deep sleep having been spending long sleepless nights. Your breathing was shallow. The air was heavy.

I went to the left side of your bed and took out the knife I bought specifically for that night. I looked at you for the last time and tried to keep myself from shedding a tear. I held the knife over my head and lunged at the center of your chest. You opened your eyes at that instant and looked straight at me.

You understood.

I closed your eyes with my other hand and took the knife out. I leaned over and whispered, "See you later this morning." 

I walked out as quietly as I entered and shut the door behind me. We'll get through this yet again.

I made it to 23!

It has been a tradition for me to write down what happened on my birthday every year so I could read them in the years to come and so here I go again.

Clock strikes at 12 midnight and the FB notification goes crazy. I owe facebook a lot because without it, people won't remember that it's my day (or at least only a few would remember). I admit, without FB, I won't remember the bday of my friends as well. :D

I slept around 4am because I was busy chatting with an old acquaintance. I learned a lot from him. Wish I could meet this great person again... :)

Mom woke me up around 11am to show me what she was planning to buy for me. Wow. I've been asking for that thing from her for ages and finally, by some sort of divine intervention, it came down to her senses that I need that electronic gadget for my feasibility study. Thanks mom!

Then Ninong dropped by our place bringing two boxes of pizza. People who know me are very much aware that I'm really not into pizza but, like a miracle, I loved the pizza. I had three slices. Good way to kick-start my much-awaited day.

Then I went to the Cathedral to offer a prayer to God to thank him for all the blessings that He had bestowed upon me. After that, I went to Face & Fab to get a new haircut.

Met BJ and Eng2 at Seoul Fushion and spent a little time with them. I was not in the mood to attend my Monday class because it's my day and I just wanna live a day without having to worry about FS and other academic stuff but I received a text from Danico requesting me to attend the class otherwise I'll miss that day's class activity. Being the grade concious student that I am, I immediately rushed to the room and I was planning not to make my presence felt when I enter the classroom but I was greeted by a birthday song by the class and, even though I'm late and worse, not in uniform, my professor admitted me to her class because it's my day. Thank you Ma'am Buen.

After class, I spent some time with my classmates before I headed back to seoul fushion and bumped into Regina. Spent a few hours there then walked my way to Bistro in Paseo with Danico. There I met my other friends, Xavier, Joan, Mayet, Chiki, Dudu, Robin, Rhoi and Lyka and we had a not-so-extravagant dinner at Bistro (and thanks a lot to Sandra for the cake and the discount). It was a wonderful meal.

To add more surprises, Flying Lanterns were released into the air and it reminded me of Rupunzel in the movie Tangled (it was also during her bday when lanterns were released by the kingdom). Before, I wished that I could have a bday like that and tonight, my wish was granted. And as if the lanterns were not enough, a short spectacle of fireworks lighted up the night sky. Truly a wonderful way to cap the evening.

I want to say thank you to every person who greeted me and made this day so special. I would also like to thank my B10 family in Manila for making me feel that they're here celebrating with me. I miss you guys. And most especially, to the people who responded to my invitation and shared that one simple, blissful moment with me which will last me a lifetime. Thank you guys. it's a HAPPY BIRTHDAY for me!

Love Guru Pieces of Advice

Love Guru Advice # 1

Pag crush mo, dapat hanggang crush lang… Huwag mo ng i-level up. Dahil ‘pag nagkapalitan na kayo ng number at nagkaligawan at naging kayo, dun tumataas ang satisfaction level mo. Naaalala mo dati yung makita mo lang sya eh masaya ka na? Yung isang ngiti lang nya sayo eh buo na ang araw mo? Kaysa naman ngayon na kayo na pero hindi ka lang nya ma-text ng Good Morning eh SIRA NA ARAW MO!!!! 

Love Guru Advice # 2

Sundin mo kung ano ang nilalaman ng puso mo. Kung yan ang sa tingin mo ay tama, walang problema. Kung alam mong dyan ka magiging masaya. SULONG lang! Follow your heart… pero huwag ka lang umasa na magiging masaya ka nga talaga. Kasi, just because you followed your heart, it doesn’t mean it’s gonna be a happy ending for you. 

Love Guru Advice # 3

Huwag mo ng pahirapan sarili mo. Kung di sya nagtetext sayo, hindi ka nya iniisip, hindi ka nya namimiss. Kung parating busy, ibig sabihin ayaw ka nyang makasama. Kung parating sya ang nasusunod, hindi ka nya mahal gaya ng pagmamahal mo sa kanya… ang taong nagpaparaya ang taong may malaking pagmamahal sa relasyon at yung parating nasusunod o the person in-control of the relationship is the person who loves less. 

Ateneo Freshman Guide

Ok. Listen up Freshies. We, the seniors (or what we call the veterans) would want to make your entry to the college world as less painful as possible. If you can't keep up, you will die. Here are some survival tips that we, veterans, can give you! So know this by heart or else, YOU WILL DIE!

1.) Ok. We understand that you are proud that you are now part of the most expensive school in town. Now GET OVER IT! (don't wear your ID's outside school, for God's sake!)

2.) Use the infirmary services. You are paying bucks for their crappy services so just use it. Pretend that you're sick so you can get an excuse from class.. They will give you a medical slip... Yes, that will do the trick.

3.) There is an unspoken rule inside the campus: Don't wear fake labels! Especially LV Bags! (We can tell which is genuine and which is not).

4.) If you're a b*tch, please transfer to another school. We already have enough b*tches in school.

5.) Join clubs and orgs, that will define you. You can join geek clubs or fame clubs, just join them. You need friends.

6.) Don't buy a notebook for every subject. You don't wanna carry them in your expensive bag. Unless you wanna wear backpacks and look like that explorer we see on TV.

7.) Don't be a social phony! There's no "social climbing" sport during Ateneo Fiestas.

8.) If you wanna keep your affair a secret, don't date under the acacia tree at the backfield. People from the NCB can see you.

9.) McDonalds is an extension of our school canteen... Own it! ok? (and so is Mr. Donuts)

10.) Friday is "Fashion Day". You can strut your stuff and swagger at the cat walk (fronting the Chapel) every Friday. That's your runway baby.

11.) Always make sure that you can find a classmate who loves to scribble down notes. You will need his/her notes to photocopy during exams.

12.) Don't write lectures at the back of your notebooks. You will need that space for doodling when you're bored at class.

13.) Attend acquaintance parties! It's like prom but 20 folds better! You don't wanna miss the fun!

14.) Don't feel like you own the place, ok? We still own it, so BACK OFF! (It will be yours once we're gone, anyway)

15.) Oh. You can sleep at the library. The place is cool.

16.) Beware of Crabs and Snakes. They can be seen anywhere.

17.) If you think you're the hottest thing in High School, when you enter college, it's back to zero. It's a race to popularity.

18.) The hottest guy and girl in campus is already taken. So stop dreaming.

19.) Attend classes. (I think that's the only good thing I ever said here. LOL)

20.) Make a hard copy of this blog because you might want to look at it whenever you're unsure inside the campus. :)

There you have it Ladies and Gentlemen... I hope I was able to boost your confidence. Make your first day your best day. Make good impressions. Ok? Alright. Bye.

Good. Bye.

Sorry is not the hardest word... it's good bye... well, at least for me...

2 months... I never thought I'll get this far... I mastered almost all of the major thoroughfares in the Metro, whereas before, put me in EDSA and darn, I'm lost!!! I almost got the Manila Accent albeit my southern accent is still very distinguishable (and my officemates find it amusing.. I find it rather, uhmmmm, nevermind. :p). I was able to see places that, not so long ago, were just part of my "To Go" list. And most importantly, I was able to build strong ties with people that were once strangers to me... I never thought it would be this hard to leave Metro Manila... 

To my Batch 10 family, although AEGIS has been a pain in the ass, you have been my ointment in easing the pain in  my ass. Darn, I already dedicated two friggin' blogs for you guys. That's how much you mean to me... I never got this attached to people... Just to give you a slice of me, I barely make friends... I mean, I'm not congenial. I bet you noticed that in the first week of our AEGIS chronicles... I tend to keep my circle small because I don't like big crowds... But you made it possible for me to enjoy a big crowd... 

Ok... I'll do this again. I'll name names:

ALEX: you have been one of the coolest lesbos I've ever met... I'm so glad we did... I learned a lot from you... 

Gina: One of the sweetests... I have always admired how you speak, so calm... and I will surely miss your sweet voice.

Kat: One of the wittiest people I met... I'm looking forward to a debate with you. :) I'll miss your sweetness, too... (oh, it rhymes!! :D) 

JC: Pare!!! the funniest!!! you never fail to make me laugh... the moment you start talking, it's epic... 

Cy: Bratty girl but definitely sweet... I'll miss the sound of my knuckles crackling... only you can crackle it like a pro!!! :)

Isma: ok. you know I'm not gonna praise you. haha. but thanks for being around whenever I need you to be around. Although I always kid around you, you never get mad... haha... thanks for being a good sport.

Anne: all-around girl... can be the mother of all, can be the teacher, can be the sweetest friend... thanks for coming into my life. :p

MArk: We never got the chance to really hang out but I enjoy it whenever you're around... I'm looking forward to hanging out with you again soon. :)

KC: my partner in going home... we always talk about life whenever we're at The Fort bus... from the simplest to the biggest dreams... I hope all of them will come true. :)

Aaron: I always like your company because you're very nice... Unfortunately, we really didn't have that much opportunity to hang out but I enjoyed that moment when we talked about business and other related stuff, it made me feel that somehow, someone can understand what the eff I'm talking about. :)

Amber: I wrote this blog in English for you! I really find you very friendly and nice... And even though you give me a hard time whenever we talk, I really enjoy talking to you... stay sweet Amber... I hope we'll meet again. :)

Kat with the H: Miss Nava, our tour guide... we also shared moments.. remember that walk under the rain? :) I'll miss you Kath... hope to see you in one of the YFC activities soon. :)

Dave: I wish we could hang out again 'coz you're definitely one of the coolests... leave all the issues behind because they're not worth it... would it be nice if we could all go to your house again and do crazy stuff? come back, Dave. :)

Keng: oh my... I don't know what to say... I always get speechless when it comes to Keng... :) 

Leah: the mysterious girl.. Honestly, I still can't figure you out... I mean, you're so quiet when we are together but you get too noisy in GMs... hehe... we need to hang out more often! :p

Mommy Helen: I'm so sad because I can't come to your wedding celebration... I wish a wonderful life ahead of you and your husband-to-be... :) I'll miss your jokes!! they made my day when we were in training. :)

Ate Marie, Bryan, Walter: I know we haven't got the chance to know each other that much but I wish we could get to know more about each other when I come back... :) well... that's all for now...

Saying goodbye isn’t the hard part, it’s what we leave behind that’s tough.  We only part to meet again.
But you never leave someone behind, you take a part of them with you and leave a part of yourself behind.

I feel so damn lucky to have known people who were so hard to say good bye to. 

It's all said and done... it's real... and it's been fun. :')